Its OK...

I have just worked my way thru a Sausage McMuffin with egg, at 6am in the morning. I had to search for 20 minuets for a place that was open; for all those people who say Hong Kong is so convenient, that is a lie. I mean compared to the UK maybe its so, but in Japan you just have to walk 5 Min's to find a place to satisfy your post drinking appetite,
After I had finished my McScoff meal I walked back to my home, a single leaf fell onto my shoulder from a tree that was planted along the sidewalk.
I couldn't believe some of the things that happen in Hong Kong, I thought I was quite open minded but tonight just confirmed to myself that I can never be part of this circus show.

There is just something so sleazy about it all, people seem so untrustworthy and narrow minded, There are strong opinions on how foreigners act, how gay people act, how straight people act etc, but if you don’t fit into a cliché then you are an outsider, you cant be accepted for being yourself. Maybe its the curse of gay scenes. I feel everyone has been brainwashed, even the foreigners that live here permanently. I don’t mean to keep comparing to life in Japan but it’s so obvious that many people here are so more closed off, and people usually consider the Japanese to be more conservative and controlled; but I am telling you that I have never experienced this level of suspicion and doubt purely based on the color of my skin.

I have come to the point now where I don’t care how radical my opinions on the gay world may seem. I am so tired of all the liars, game players and defeatists that make up the bulk of gay scenes around the world. When the single leaf fell on my shoulder I felt like someone understands me, I am very proud of the fact that I am very much in love with my ex boyfriend, why should I be ashamed of a feeling that is so natural to me? I don’t need to find another just for ‘fun’ or as a casual partner. Why? When I am still happy to be in love?
Now this might seem crazy to you, to think that someone can still hold on to these feelings after over 1 year of separation. But I wonder how many of you still hold feelings for that one, the one that changed your life? I believe it is OK to admit that, why hide it?

I think my honesty is quite rare here in Hong Kong, people do not know how to take me, it seems I am an unusual creature, why cant people see past the long hair and the skinny jeans? Do we need to strip ourselves of any individuality to fit into the preconceived ideas of ‘what a gay should be’? It actually sickens me when I come across such homophobic gay people. You could put it down to ‘cultural differences’ but in the end we all have a choice. I choose my self respect, I choose my heart, and it can be as simple as that. Where is the shame then?

I would rather eat 20 Sausage McMuffins and get fat to fill the void in my heart than go with a stranger so easily. Whoever thinks that of me then enjoy your shallow existence if it works for you, but please do not judge or victimize people that stand up for love.

To end this McRant, I would just like to say that I am happy with the path I am taking; maybe I have become more spiritual in the past year. I just would like to make a statement to show anyone reading this that it is OK to let another person affect you and shape the person you are. So thank you, to those special people that made me a better person: T.F , S.K, W.K and someone I believe is a real angel! I.B

Until next time, peace out!